HELP TIME DISNEYLAND EDITION
I’m single and loving it!
When do I stop lying to myself?
Did you know that a lot of people are really lonely? Just like, the majority of human beings are in constant psychic pain because they haven’t been touched in a super long time? And also, we all die alone? And that’s not even such a big deal in the grand scheme because everything you do is so utterly meaningless and your place in the world is so miniscule and unimportant and everyone you know is going to die and then it’ll be like you basically never existed so who even fucking cares if you live alone or not because it’s all the same result in the end? DID YOU KNOW ANY OF THAT? Anyway, don’t you think it’s weird that celebrities are always going to Disneyland like it’s the fucking south of France or some shit? I mean, you guys, it’s an amusement park for children created by a nazi sympathizer. That’s just so weird of celebrities, no? You have all the time and money in the world and you’re spending a ton of it at Disneyland? And you don’t even have children? And even if you do have children, it doesn’t seem like you brought them with you to Disneyland cause the photos I saw of you in In Touch while I was waiting to buy shampoo and Midol in the Shoppers Drug Mart didn’t show you with any kids, but definitely showed you with a romantic partner wearing mouse ears even though you’re an adult with a mortgage? I don’t get it. Next question!
Can I be racist even if I’m not white?
Pretty Sure I’m Not Racist
In a post-Obama world the good news is that everyone can be racist. Especially, it seems people are always being racist against the Chinese.
My advice? Keep making your jokes but end them with a fact about Black History Month or a moment of silence for everyone who died building the Canadian Pacific Railway or a tasteful acknowledgement of the ongoing crisis in the Middle East.
But hey, have you ever thought a cheese donut would be so good? What about a pizza donut? Cause it would have pineapple on it but also cheese and have a sweet, doughy base? PATENT PENDING.
Can I wear white socks with black shoes?
Do you wonder about things too? Send your queries to me and I’ll help you figure it out!