Of all tyrannies,a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may...– Saw this on my dashboard and totally thought it said trannys. And I agree, a tranny sincerely exercised does look good!
Things I learned from last night's CSI: NY and...
Actually I didn’t learn anything from Rock of Love except that Brett Michaels likes phone sex. Criminal Minds: - Do not date outside of your league or you will get shot. - Like a lion attack, the best way to survive being killed is to hold your breath and play dead. - Don’t get up to shady shit while on company time, you’ll get deaded and internal affairs will make it seem like...
Things I learned from last night's America's Next...
- The breaking point for how many times a woman can be called a “dragalicious tranny” is probably ten. Watch for it - Even a squished face, mental midget has the sense to recognize the futility of competing to become America’s Next Top Model. - Tyra hates it when you walk out on her. So just go then squish-face. Just like all the others, right Ty? - There is a sense of irony in...
Please take a moment to enjoy some mind-numbingly...
Urg. I’ve started bringing lunch to work instead of spending $800 a week on hairy falafels and fish pies made of chicken from the food court downstairs. It’s been great except that it’s also coincided with some kind of food Parkinson’s, so now eating is like making desk soup and my notebook is covered in four days worth of food. I don’t personally care, but I can...
How people count cash. →
Metacafe has a little video demonstration on how different cultures count cash. I was hoping my cash counting technique would be more exotic, but I count ‘em like any other Canadian apparentely.
An exercise in passive-aggression or why having a...
I’m pretty sure my iPod was lifted on my flight home from Mexico, so I filled out a lost items claim. Here is the first response from the airline. Note how they address me: Dear Mr. Niazi: Thank you for allowing us the time to process your case, in order to verify your request, it is necessary for us to have and the proper documentation, so please provide us with the receipt or purchase...
Study finds anti-depressants don't work. →
Awkward! Pharmas must be shitting their pants. (Not news for me though, cause I already knew they didn’t work. Welcome to my now and whatever.)
Too pretty to fly???!!!! →
Please check out this ridiculous CNN story (on the front page!) Sample quote from one of the 18 year old girls claiming they were discriminated against for being too pretty: “I mean no one on the plane looked like us … except us.” LOLing at work!
What business is it of yours, Friendo?
So I got a toy cap gun at the dollar store yesterday on a whim, and let me just say it’s a really good thing I don’t have a real gun at my disposal because I’ve already shot: - at the tv (ben mulroney, sandy rinaldo, some ad about maxi pads, the new puff daddy movie, diablo cody, lots of other stuff) - the birds outside - myself (in mock murder-suicide, mock suicide, suicide to...
Diablo Cody is Julia Allison's hero.
‘Nuff said! And that concludes my coverage of either of those two.
Film awards officially irrelevant
NO!! Not Diablo Cody. What were they thinking? Ratatouille had better dialogue and the joke in the clip they showed for the animated rat film made me laugh harder than all 90 minutes of Juno. Well, I guess the Academy should go back in time and give Napolean Dynamite an Oscar too. Vote for Pedro, or whatever! Idiots. Suicide Girls win. World loses.
Just to pre-empt tomorrow’s U.S. cable networks: There sure are a lot of not-americans winning Oscars this year. Lou Dobbs is on the case!
oscar thoughts hour one
Why is The Rock allowed to be at the Academy Awards? Why are there so many montages? Why was Jessica Alba allowed to present the award for scientific achievment? She was in Flipper! Who is Miley Cyrus? Where was Penelope Cruz, Friendo? I’m really glad Beyonce is not singing all the songs this year. I like it when the accountants come on. Someone tried to rob my downstairs neighbour. ...
Things that are stoopid
This weird white dust accumulating on my hands while I eat this discount orange. The way my ten foot long headphone cable keeps getting stuck in my chair. The unappetizing flatness of my water. The donut stain on my notebook. Too many pencils!
Code brown on the nausea scale. No thinking about the word oyster or bugle. What if I accidentally vom on Mansbridge? Blurg! UPDATE! Discount produce is making it worse.
To the lady behind me on the streetcar
1.) I know you kidnapped that baby 2.) Your british accent is an obvious fake 3.) You’re crazy
Things I learned from last night's America's Next...
1.) The tears of a clown can be painted on. 2.) Leaving your kid behind while you humiliate yourself for a reality TV show in which you pursue the unrealistic dream of becoming a “top model” (hello! you’re 24 and married with a kid) is okay as long as you are still pumping breast milk. 3.) Tyra will make an exception for you if you are an obvious tranny who is completely lying...
20 facts about the Human Genome →
I just read an article in American Scientist about microchimerism, in which cells from a mother make their way into the fetus and vice-versa. It’s pretty neat, cause those alien cells are both harmful and helpful and this discovery may aid in disease research. Although I kind of read the article cause I thought maybe it was about actual Chimeras. But whatever. Science!
Ants completely covered both beds in the first room. Fortunately, the only hotel in town was completely empty. The second room was mercifully ant free but was home to a tongue-shaped neon ceiling fungus. Infinitely more unnerving than ants, but less likely to crawl up my butt. Fungus 1 Ants 0
Our boat guide in the witch town recommended a beach town 35 kilometres from where we were. He said the road was a little bad, but that he rode his scooter there every other day, so it was no big deal. We headed up there in the middle of a tropical storm. The road was covered in pot holes, in fact it was more hole than road. But the “bad” didn’t come until the paved road turned...
We had no destination in mind when we set out. Spazzes prevented us from driving much further on Tuesday night, so we picked the first place on the map that someone had heard of. Came in to a town called Catemaco the wrong way on a one-way street. Dudes on dirt bikes pointed us in the right direction and then busted out that they were brujos. Catemaco is world-famous as a witch town. ...
Getting out of the city with the rental was a disaster. Pulled over by the cops out by the airport, good thing you can bribe them with packets of dried fruit. Pigs! Made it to the jungle in a few hours. Flew through Veracruz and its Carl’s Jr., still waiting for some Taco Bell. If you’re gonna do the roadside toilets, I suggest bringing your own toilet paper and seat.
Spent the morning at a cantina in Centro. Bright red pig fat not helping nausea, but hours of mezcal and melancholic spanish jukebox hits in Condesa loosened me up.
Mexican flea markets are ludicrous. Between the aroma of fried banana and tripe and deep discounts on day old paella, the atmosphere is heady. You can get anything from a haircut to a pig bull to a homemade gun. Plus I saw a real-life quato. Quaid!
Ended with mexican karaoke. Thank God mexicans know the words to Like a Prayer.
Sawing wood at 9am
Was up at 4:30am yesterday and didn’t sleep till 3am this morning. Mexico City is beautiful. So densely packed, people are building houses by the thousands on top of mountains. Buildings are every colour imaginable, purples, greens, oranges and blues. Packs of dog gangs own the streets, and the rooftops. My head feels like an ashtray. Also, mexican karaoke is weird and impossible to...
I’ll be in Mexico for the next eight days trying not to get shot or have some lizard crawl up my butt. There will be pictures. But no laptop and probably no cellphone. So …. see you …?